{"id":2035,"date":"2013-02-15T23:53:00","date_gmt":"2013-02-15T23:53:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/danislettertomum.wordpress.com\/2013\/05\/16\/uberlandia-15th-february-2013"},"modified":"2023-06-18T09:48:25","modified_gmt":"2023-06-18T09:48:25","slug":"uberlandia-15th-february-2013","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.acasanapraia.com\/en\/uberlandia-15th-february-2013\/","title":{"rendered":"Uberl\u00e2ndia, 15th February 2013."},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n
B\u00ean\u00e7a, m\u00e3e!<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Another day. Another morning without seeing you and your sleepy grumpy face coming out the corridor and saying \u2018bom dia\u2019, and heading to the kitchen to give Maggie and Julie their \u2018breakfast\u2019\u2026 Everybody says how careful you were with them. And that you spoilt them rotten.\u00a0J<\/span>\u00a0 Cheese and fruit, when even you only had Corn Flakes with milk and coffee!<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Mother, I need to confess something\u2026. I\u2019m scared to stay in this house. Spooky kind of scared, I mean. I can\u2019t bear to be alone in any room. I\u2019m having problems to sleep. Isa, Xu and I have put 3 mattresses on the computer room floor and have been sleeping there; with the bathroom light on. I spend most nights using my phone, reading stuff that I find on Google about your cancer, trying to find a reason why you died so quickly. I can\u2019t even look towards the door of the bedroom you died in. I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll see you, Mother. You know something like this happened once, remember that time I went to your bed and slept between you and Father, holding your hand? I feel terrible this time, though. How could I be scared of seeing my own mother? Ridiculous. Besides, I don\u2019t even believe that dead people come back, anyway. And even if they did, knowing me, you would never do that, because you know how silly and scared I am. Still, I\u2019m scared. And I may take one sleeping tablet tonight. I need to sleep, Mother.<\/div>\n
Craig and I speak every day. We have this app on the phone, called Tango. I used it with you on the Saturday before you died, Carnaval weekend, remember? It\u2019s something you have a video and voice call. I remember you showed the mobile phone case that I had sent to you \u2013 which had finally arrived \u2013 and also showed me your new haircut. You looked so cute, Mother. Why didn\u2019t I call again after that? Why? Why?<\/div>\n
So, Craig and I speak every day, two or three times a day. I\u2019m missing him badly, Mother. Every time we speak, I cry. Poor him, he can\u2019t do anything from the other side of the phone, and all I wish was for him to cwtch me!<\/div>\n
Today we continued with the \u2018sorting out\u2019 of the house. I still call it \u2018dismantling\u2019 your house. It makes me feel bad. I think that when we lose someone we love so much, we shouldn\u2019t need to do these type of things so soon. Father is looking for a lawyer \u2013 for this inventory thingy -, and he\u2019s going to all the shops you used to shop and have a card with to cancel everything. Imagine how bad it is to go to a place and say: \u2018Hi\u2026 er\u2026 my wife has just passed away, I\u2019d like to cancel her account\/card etc\u2026\u2019\u00a0 Nobody should need to do that. Not after at least a couple of months.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Mother, you should see Father\u2026 He arrives home sometimes and tells us: \u2018Hey, but you\u2019re not working\u2026 You\u2019re not working\u2026 Come on, we haven\u2019t got much time\u2026 Look at this now\u2026 one is on the phone (me, to Craig), the other one is on the Internet (Xu) the other ones won\u2019t stop eating (Isa and Luzia, having tea)\u2026 Mother, I think he\u2019s in panic here. Isabela and Luzia is leaving tomorrow; I\u2019m leaving on Wednesday and Xu is staying only until next Saturday. I think he\u2019s afraid that we\u2019re going to leave him with all the stuff there is still in the house. Xu and I have started clearing downstairs. Did I tell you that yesterday we sent a little truck away full of the old stuff from the basement? Yep! I remember you used to say to us that we needed to help you sort the basement out. No wonder you never went there, you crafty girl!\u00a0J<\/span>\u00a0 I\u2019d never seen so much junk in my life, Mother! All those old magazines, and rusted things and old paints\u2026 Anyway, I guess that was the quickest clearing up ever! The truck guy came really fast, much earlier than we were expecting him, and we filled the truck up in less than one hour!!!! You \u2018d have liked that, Mother. I\u2019m sure you would.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
So, today, Xu and I carried on sorting out the basement stuff. We went to the \u201cquartinho\u201d and open box after box\u2026 Mother, what a treasure we found! You kept all our toys! And old school books and notebooks! I found the first book you gave me, with a little message in it. I\u2019m taking it with me and this will be passed on to my first child, Mother. I\u2019ll write him\/her a message below the one you\u2019ve written.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Aunt Zeli came here today, and yesterday, I forgot to tell you. She is devastated, Mother. She just can\u2019t understand and I guess I know now I\u2019ve got a little bit of her in me\u2026 She also thinks something is amiss. She\u2019s also been reading, asking around, she\u2019s even spoken to another oncologist and like me, she thinks that they\u2019ve hid from us \u2013 or overlooked \u2013 how bad your illness was.<\/div>\n
Aunt Lizete and Aunt De were here all day today. They are very sad, Mother, and keep trying to do their best to help us. Aunt Lizete even sits at the balcony with Maggie and Julie until they\u2019ve eaten all their food.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Today Aunt Lizete showed me how to wash one of my tops. I paid great attention to her, but I was all the time thinking that something was very wrong with that picture. That I should have learned FROM YOU. Why didn\u2019t I ever ask you? Why have I always been such a smart ass when it comes to my relationship with you??? I don\u2019t get it, Mother. Why have I, your first daughter, turned my back on you so many times, for so long, thinking that your advice was only good enough for yourself? I\u2019m so sorry, Mother. I\u2019m so sorry for being such a bad daughter. I wished I had known you better. It\u2019s way too late now.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n

Isabela and Luzia are leaving tomorrow. The house will be emptier. It\u2019s so surreal, Mother. I want everything to go back to normal\u2026<\/p>\n

I love you forever.<\/p>\n

Dani.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

B\u00ean\u00e7a, m\u00e3e! Another day. Another morning without seeing you and your sleepy grumpy face coming out the corridor and saying \u2018bom dia\u2019, and heading to the kitchen to give Maggie and Julie their \u2018breakfast\u2019\u2026 Everybody says how careful you were with them. And that you spoilt them rotten.\u00a0J\u00a0 Cheese and fruit, when even you only…<\/p>","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[221],"tags":[367],"class_list":["post-2035","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-letters-to-my-mother","tag-letters-to-my-mother","entry"],"yoast_head":"\nUberl\u00e2ndia, 15th February 2013. - A Casa na Praia<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.acasanapraia.com\/en\/uberlandia-15th-february-2013\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Uberl\u00e2ndia, 15th February 2013. - A Casa na Praia\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"B\u00ean\u00e7a, m\u00e3e! 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